1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
