My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
