If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Last time i carry you out of a forest
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
