Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
