I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
