Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
