I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
