literally had 100 drinks last night.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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