Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
