drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
