I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He shit in the fireplace
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
