There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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