I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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