yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
