wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
