I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
