hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just want nice things and good sex
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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