Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
