Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
