Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I love how my cats smell like pot.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
