Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
