Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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