About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the day after is always just damage control
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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