So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
