hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
