So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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