I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
