I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have aggressive nipples.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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