just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
my poor anus
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
