She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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