Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do vagina's smell?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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