i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
