Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
