is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
