I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
