You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
