please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
