Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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