I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
