Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
