My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
