My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
