Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Randomize
