Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
