it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
