Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
