i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
