you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
