I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
