Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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