Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
