I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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