It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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