I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
