Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
