...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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