Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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