I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
