I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
