I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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